By Kevin Henkin

As I noted a few weeks ago, the Celtics have become so good that complaining has essentially gone out of style in these parts. This obviously poses quite a problem for us negativity-fueled writers. As a solution, we have been forced to adjust our standards for what is deemed worthy of criticism from “downright petty” to “simply ridiculous”. Bearing these freshly established unreasonable standards in mind, I’ve got some new bones to pick with the Celtics team. Here are just a few of the latest notable imperfections that are bugging me these days…

Tony Allen’s Allergic Reaction to Orange Leather

Although Tony Allen has shown some ability to create opportunities for his teammates on offense, do you ever honestly feel safe when he faces pressure while handling the ball at the point? Me neither, mostly because he acts as if his fingers are severely allergic to orange leather whenever dribbles the ball for too long. Yes, this space has previously advocated bringing a Gary Payton type onboard, not because we love loud-mouthed has-beens. Rather, we are concerned by the idea that a player with a weak handle becomes the starting point guard whenever Rajon Rondo goes down to injury.

Ray Allen’s Invisible Man Cream

Sure, the Celtics were able to win the glorified scrimmage against the Memphis Grizzlies and the epic road battle against the Pistons despite Ray Allen’s startling impression of thin air on offense. Yes, yes, history is obviously on Ray Allen’s side here. Even so, the long-term and likely playoff success of the team will be largely dependent upon Ray Allen’s ability to be consistent.

Kendrick Perkins’s Recent Propensity for Technical Fouls

Okay, so they still won the games despite the needless freebies provided to the opposition courtesy of Mr. Perkins. My greater concern is that he’ll go “Robert Parish on Bill Laimbeer” in one of these games and the Celtics will lose him to suspension. Remember the old saying: It takes a big man to cry but it takes a bigger man to laugh at that man.

Rajon Rondo’s DVR Box

According to Rajon Rondo’s blog, his favorite television shows include The Fresh Prince of Bel Air, Will & Grace and The Love Boat. Okay, I made one of those up (but only one). Also, Oceans 11, 12 AND 13 were listed among his top seven movies. This is unacceptable. Color me officially concerned that the man charged with running the Celtics offense, a job that obviously requires sound judgment, has some highly questionable taste in television shows and movies.

We Aren’t the Champions (Yet), My Friends

It might be a little early to be cueing up the Freddy Mercury victory tunes. Nevertheless, all that seemed to be missing from the post-game Celtics celebration in Motown last Saturday was a tiny Dominican man and some cases of chilled champagne. I also felt the burning of Bill Laimbeer in effigy at halfcourt “for previous offenses against the delicate sensibilities of Johnny Most” was a bit over the top. As Papa Joe Paterno once notably advised, when you hit the end zone, try to act as if you’ve been there before.

I’m sure I’m missing some other infractions against perfection here but I remain ever diligent on the case to bring them to your attention. After all, if people can complain that the immense win against Detroit was “ugly” (as, to my amazement, some have), then nothing else is really out of bounds to kvetch about. Stay tuned.

By Mike Brilliant

The Celtics haven’t played anyone this year….They’ve enjoyed a cushy home schedule so far…Just wait until they get on the west coast…and finally….silence…..

Well, the Celtics’ first west coast trip is officially on the books with an impressive four game sweep against the Kings, Sonics, Jazz and shorty-short throwback Lakers. The last two games were very chippy indeed, involving multiple technicals, throw-downs, bloody faces and even a ridiculously uncalled-for NFL tackle from Lousy Loser Lamar Odom. Seemingly unfazed, the Celtics completed the week with record pace 26-3 overall record. The following grades are handed out based on that week’s worth of work:

Coach Doc Rivers: A+

Rivers appears to be pressing all the right buttons these days. Most teams would be prone to sluggishness from playing four games in five nights after a long west coast flight. Unsurprisingly, it seemed like the Celts were indeed sluggish in the first half of the Kings, Sonics and Jazz games. Thankfully, Rivers appeared to unleash some constructively motivating halftime locker room speeches because his team turned it on in the second half of each of those four games.

Rivers raised a few eyebrows by slotting Tony Allen as the starting point guard when Rajon Rondo was declared out of the Lakers game with a bum hamstring. We’ve all seen T.A. play at the point for a couple minutes here and there but his handle is um…a little less than comforting at times. After all, this is the same guy that Tommy Heinsohn wanted to restrict to a two-dribble-and-pass-or-shoot rule last year. Well forget us doubters because boy did it work! Allen submitted an efficient 6 point and 4 assist performance while preserving Eddie House’s best role as a gunner off the bench. In short, nice call by the coach.

Paul Pierce: A (C- in 1st halves, A+ in second halves)

Pierce averaged 27.5 points, 6 rebounds and 5.5 assists on the west coast. He only shot 40% from the field but went 14-23 from deep waters and 36-40 from the line.
Pierce had a mediocre first half in the Seattle game and a brutal first half in the Utah game. However, he recovered to light it up in the second half of those two games scoring 26 and 24 respectively. In short, the captain scored points when the team needed them the most and continued to play above-average defense (See Artest, Crazy, Ron,). Pierce also earned his second Player of the Week award in three weeks.

Kevin Garnett: A-

Teams are starting to get frustrated with the Celtics’ intensity and championship-style defense. From this couch, it looked like Utah and L.A. were taking out those frustrations primarily on Garnett. The Big Ticket got thumped on the head and knocked down during the Utah game and was bloodied by an errant Bynum elbow in the Lakers game.
Other than band-aid above the eye boxer’s look, KG was his usual rock self. He fell shy by one rebound in the Utah game of submitting a double-double in all four games.

Ray Allen: B+

Allen shot a bit better on this trip (44%) than his season average (42%). However, as has been typical, his three bombs always seemed to detonate at the right time. He averaged 17 points and once again gave Kobe Bryant (who shot 6-25) fits on Sunday night.

Rajon Rondo: C

Rondo missed the Lakers game from an injured hamstring, which occurred during the Utah game. However, even before the injury, Rondo didn’t play as well as he had been playing, averaging 7 points, 5 assists and only shooting 28.5%. He also let old friend Delonte West light it up with 19 points and 8 assists. I have a feeling he’ll be up for the Detroit game on Saturday night, as he may have a score to settle with a certain Chauncey “You can’t guard me with all my big game performances” Billups.

Kendrick Perkins: B+

Big K did his job on the trip. He played good defense and averaged 8 boards in just over 22 minutes a game. Perkins did, however, earn two silly technical fouls on the trip, one of which was for his post-dunk murderous stare at Andrew Bynum and the Lakers.

James Posey: B

Jimmy James was his usual rock off the bench. Rivers said before the trip that he would rely on the bench a bit more during the four game haul and Posey was the big winner minutes-wise. He played an average of 28 minutes and averaged 8 points and 5 boards per game.

Eddie House B

The Microwave shot 7-17 from 3 point land. For the week, he averaged 9 points per game and had a +/- of +27, which is exactly what you want to see from one of your key bench players.

Tony Allen: A

Allen was everything you could ask for in a spot starter against the Lakers on Sunday night. He played good defense and had a line of 16-3-4 in 42 minutes. As mentioned above, his play also allowed the team to keep Eddie House in his customary role as “the spark off the bench”. After witnessing a few occasional jams from Allen over the last few weeks, we then saw him miss one against Utah. Stay tuned.

Glen “Big Baby” Davis: C

Big Baby got 2 DNP-CD’s this week but he did manage to play 11 minutes in the other two games. Excluding the Utah game, it seems like Davis has lost his role of the bench to Pollard, although the size of opposing bigs remains the primary driver behind Davis’s minutes.

Brian Scalabrine: C

Scalabrine played 10 inconsequential minutes this week. He did manage to get 4 boards and also chucked up 2 errant threes (Look out!).

Scot Pollard: C

Pollard saw more minutes this week that any other during this young season and his performance was uneven. He submitted a solid effort in Sacramento, netting 5 boards in 10 minutes. Unfortunately, he then laid a stinker in Seattle with the following line: 13 minutes, 0 points, 0 rebounds, 1 TO and 4 fouls. Utah was a DNP-CD and in L.A. he had 3 boards.

Leon Powe: Incomplete

Well, to be fair, Leon did get 47 seconds in the Lakers game…..

Gabe Pruitt: Incomplete

Did play 1 minute in the Lakers game. However, the long rookie point guard could see some significant minutes in the week ahead if Rondo continues to be bothered by his sore hammy.

By Kevin Henkin

Changing gears a bit, we’re going to add a new regular feature here at FCP by handing the microphone over to some other folks who have some interesting thoughts to offer regarding all things Celtics:

“They all of a sudden have something at stake now, which is their absolute legacy. And now they’re going to use each other, a little bit like we did two years ago. We used each other to establish something because we felt we had something at stake.”
- Pat Riley on the Big Three

“I’m like everyone else. I didn’t care about the Celtics the last few years. But now I love watching them. Kevin Garnett is the best. Every time you look, he’s got a double-double.”
- New England Revolution star Taylor Twellman on being a shameless front-runner (Someone get this man a pink hat immediately!)

“I thought they were actually better than I expected in some areas, better defensively…I thought that they were what I expected from the standpoint of their main guys.”
- Flip Saunders during a Detroit radio interview after defeating Boston

“I’m looking forward to watching the Celtics. I love the way they play.”
- TNT Analyst Charles Barkley, who hasn’t had a kind word to say about the Boston team since roughly the Reagan administration, before the game against Seattle on December 27th

“I like Rondo. He’s figuring it out. I think the biggest thing he has to learn is to say ‘no’. No, I’m not giving it to you right now. No, you’re open [but] yes, I’m still going to run this play…When you’re running the point guard position, you’re like the quarterback. You have to understand who gets it, when they get it and why they get it. Even though they are the best players on the planet, you still decide who gets it.”
- TNT Analyst Kenny Smith on Rajon Rondo and the challenges of running the Celtics’ offense

“If Rondo can’t stop Delonte West, the Celtics can’t beat Detroit.”
- Barkley on Delonte West’s scoring effort (19 points in 25 minutes on 6-8 shooting) against the Celtics and Rondo

“”I don’t know if anyone has improved as much as Rondo. When you put what he’s doing in that pressure situation … he has done an unbelievable job. He has a tough job, being the quarterback of that team. And for a second-year guy, having to play with the superstars that he’s playing with, he hasn’t deferred to those guys. He’s shown a lot of aggressiveness.”
- Flip Saunders on Rondo

“I don’t know if they have gone on any extended road trips yet. I know they usually take a big one right after the Christmas break. We just hope to see them out West where we can beat them up a little bit.”
- Phil Jackson about the Celtics to a Chicago reporter in mid-December

“We’re better. I think our continuity is better, our rhythm is better and I think we have a better understanding of what our strengths and weaknesses are.”
- Kobe Bryant about the Celtics, days before suffering a 19 point season series sweep defeat against them at home

“They’re leaving here like they’re giving away free tofu outside.”
- Celtics Announcer Mike Gorman during the aforementioned game against the Lakers in Los Angeles with 3:40 left in the fourth quarter and the Celtics ahead by 19

“I don’t care what they would have offered me for Kevin Garnett. I think I would have turned it down. Those guys come along once every twenty years, maybe. I know they hadn’t been winning with him, but that couldn’t have been Kevin’s fault. He’s simply too good a player. Poor Kevin [McHale]. He must be answering a lot of questions these days. I really feel badly for Kevin. I like him. I think his good friend Danny did it to him, pulled the wool over his eyes or something. Danny, all of a sudden, is on top of the world as he should be, and Kevin is probably hiding in his cellar.”
- Bob Cousy reflecting recently on the Kevin Garnett trade