In the Distance, a Sea of Pink Hats

By Kevin Henkin

Let’s face it. As Celtics fans, we’ve been spoiled this summer. Our team is on the map again and it’s been downright giddifying to watch the complete roster overhaul unfold before our very eyes. Instead of idle speculation on whether this is the year “the kids” realize their collective potential, we’ve elevated the debate to exactly how far this new team can roll in the playoffs. This is all good news, right? On the most obvious level, of course it is. Then again, there are some minor downsides to success. I present to you, as Exhibit A, the pending arrival of The Pink Hat Brigade.

Yes, yes, I know this has been covered before but I contend that this is a relatively new experience for Celtics fans. Not since the Eastern Conference Finals against New Jersey in 2002 have real Celtics fans been faced with the challenge of bandwagoners and socialites arriving en masse to steal their seats away. While you were still watching the games during the 18 game losing streak, desperately trying to glean signs of hope and progress in your core of young players, these people were scheming which Red Sox games to incorporate into their spring and summer social calendars.

Understand, I’m not a total snob. I don’t demand that the person sitting next to me knows which hand Delonte West and Al Jefferson need to work on to improve their respective games but I do expect them to have, you know, some level of appreciation for the game. The good news is that some will have it, based on their prior experience as Celtics fans in better days. Sadly, others will not. In preparing for the upcoming season, I present to you this handy guide for determining each individual subspecies of the “New Celtics Fans” that you can expect to encounter going forward:

The Crusty Historians

These are the guys that filled the smelly old Garden back in the eighties and haven’t been back since. Nothing short of an exact cloning of Bird, McHale and Parish will impress them. Initially intrigued by all the hooplah, they’ll use their accumulated wealth and influence to land some prime courtside real estate. Eventually, however, they’ll come to the conclusion that “the game has changed” and “all these guys care about is dunking the ball” before they go back from whence they came.

Expect to hear comments like: “In my day, they passed the ball and didn’t go for all this showboating stuff” and “Whadaya mean, there’s no smoking?”

The Actual Pink Hatters

They may or may not be wearing a pink hat emblazoned with a shamrock but they are all sisters in spirit. Whether or not they serve as a positive influence on the atmosphere as a whole is worthy of its own debate that I’ll mercifully set aside for now. On the plus side, at least they cheer lustily when the Jumbotron instructs them to do so.

Expect to hear comments like: “Oooh, check out that cute guy in the sweater vest two rows down!” and “Does my hair look okay?”

The Shameless Frontrunners

These folks don’t like or dislike basketball per se or the Celtics in particular. They do, however, like winners. They like the fact that they’re going to a game where tickets were hard to come by, therefore making it a destination event worthy of bragging about to their buddies. They like the experience of getting swept up in the euphoria. They pretend that they’ve been there all along. I suppose all of these are somewhat understandable emotions. Everyone likes a winner, right? It doesn’t matter. I hate them anyway. Regardless, they go with the territory of having a good team. Just ask the long-term die hard Patriots fans.

Expect to hear comments like: “Ha ha, yeah dude, we are so awesome!” and “Let’s get ourselves on the Jumbotron again!”

The Gregarious Sales Hosts

In recent years, Celtics games haven’t provided much of an attractive venue for business generators wooing their clients. As a result, many tickets appear to have gone largely unused based on the number of open seats we’ve seen in the lower bowl of the Garden. Those days appear to be over. Because their seats essentially serve as a sales platform, these attendees are hardly considered dedicated observers of the game. Nonetheless, their hefty admission prices contribute a long way towards paying the salaries of Garnett, Pierce and Allen so their increased presence is begrudgingly welcome.

Expect to hear questions like: “Boy, who’s that little guy with the huge hands?” and “Now, which one is Garnett?”

Individual tickets will go on sale soon. Many of those tickets will go to the folks detailed above. Be afraid, Celtics fans. Be very afraid.